What Annoys Me on FB (Today anyways)

Many things annoy me on FB (shocking, coming from me I know).  But his latest trend is just too stupid not to mock.
It's not enough that teenage girls are just plain insane, but now they have FB to advertise the extent of their stupidity to the world.  I keep seeing girls quoting love lyrics from songs.  Not to their boyfriends or random guys they like, but to their friends...GIRL friends.
I doubt they get these tiny odes from anywhere else since the art of actually reading poetry is long since dead.  As if these heart felt declarations aren't enough, they also have to post eight thousand pictures of themselves kissing each other on the cheek...usually in a bathroom. 
(And don't even get me started on the whole "duck face" issue because I will get violent.  Girls, you just look plain idiotic) 
My question is, why the need to announce to the world that you "love this girl with all your heart and couldn't live with out her"?!?!  I know it isn't politically correct to say something is "gay" but...

That's gay.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against homosexuals and do not want to debate this issue.  I have several family and friends that fall in to this category and I think debating it is like discussing the colour of their hair.  Doesn't matter.

Anyway, why the need for this declaration of love?  Do they even get what love is?  Because without exception the same girl who would cease to exist without her so-called soul mate will eventually have an online scrap with this girl.  This is very easy to identify as well.  It usually starts with a cryptic message about how two faced people can be, followed by having at least 50 comments attached to it. 
I'm all for loving your friends.  I do...I just don't feel the need to proclaim it to the world by quoting Katy Perry or Justin Beiber.
 
When did this become normal?  (cuz it's not)
Why don't boys do it?  (cuz, holy crap that would be funny!)

Alas, the poor youth of today!  They think they have invented teen angst!  How could we possibly understand their torment?!?!

Oh wait, I know how...
I grew up in the 80's. 
They need to listen to Wham!, Culture Club and Metallica while wearing neon EVERYTHING and trying to choke down a NEW Coke! 
Now THAT my friends, is angst!
So quit getting smoochy with your friends, it's just plain weird and you are going to look and feel soooo stupid in a couple of years when some of these girls "come out" and expect you to feel the same.
In short, just grow the hell up please.

Useless Trivia

I will be the first to admit that when it comes to useless trivia, my brain is chock full! 

Do I know my bank account numbers? No
Do I know my social insurance number?  No
Do I know my work address?  No

In my defense, I do however, know that the little divot between your nose and upper lip is called a philtrum.
The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin Chaplin look alike contest.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
The first thing to have a bar code was Wrigley's Gum.

And so on...

I believe that I am unable to remember that I put a load of laundry in the washing machine, or where my keys are is because my brain can only hold so much information.  Therefore, in the part of my brain where these things should be stored, I instead know that there are more chickens in the world than people. 
Granted, perhaps knowing the location of my keys is somewhat more important, I still cannot replace the knowledge about the chickens. 

So if we go out anywhere together, please don't ask me to remember where we parked...because I am already busy remembering that the electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The Fine Art of Sarcasm

Ahhh, sarcasm... how I love thee...

The problem with sarcasm, especially in today's modern world, is that some people are born without the ability to comprehend or produce it.  The key to effective sarcasm is in the inflection.  I will give you an example.

Daughter: I don't like this, can I have something else for supper?
Me: Of course!  I love cooking so much, that I will gladly start all over again just for you!

Reading this, I sound like a wonderful caring mother... but when you add the inflection to it I come off completely different...

Daughter: I don't like this, can I have something else for supper?
Me: Of course! I love cooking so much, that I will gladly start all over again just for you!

See the difference?  Although sometimes inflection is not needed and the sarcasm is simply inferred by the language that is used.  Here is an example of a very common conversation in my house.


Me: I would like you to clean your room and sort your laundry.
Daughter:  Now?
Me: No...you may do it whenever it pleases Your Royal Highness.

Now, to those challenged in the sarcastic arts will think, "gee, how nice she lets her daughter do things on her own terms".  (Or more likely, "holy crap that kid is one spoiled little %^*@!")

Another challenge is trying to get my message across via email or text.  The general rule of thumb is if you've received it from me, it's dripping with sarcasm.  It's my job, it's what I do.  Some people knit, some people do volunteer work.  Me?  I mock.

A sad moment for me was realizing my daughter was totally oblivious to sarcasm.  We would say something to her and she would think we were serious when we answered her "where is the milk" type question with, "under the sink in the bathroom".  After several months of careful coaching and giving obvious examples of the art form she slowly began to catch on. 
We now think she may have caught on a little too well.  Maybe it's just the teen years at work, but the girl is now a sarcasm machine.

Daughter: The gym is noisy
Phys Ed Teacher: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Daughter: Your welcome, Lieutenant Sarcasm

Although highly inappropriate, and somewhat disrespectful...

   

  I have never been prouder.