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We can see the tiniest of microbes.
We can see blood vessels and nerves so clearly that a surgeon can reattach them.
We have a camera that can take pictures on Mars. MARS!!! The planet... Not the chocolate bar.
You know what we don't have? The ability to see two inches into my body just under my belly button to see my freakin' girlie parts. Where exactly is my uterus that it is so hard to find? Is there a lead curtain in front of it? Is there an army protecting it? What is this mystical method of protection that renders modern medicine useless?!?
It is apparently my bladder.
Seriously? Bladder?
With the wonders of modern technology, the only was to get a decent picture of this elusive organ, is to fill my bladder up to a point where I want to weep. Why does it need to be so full that I would actually rather just pee myself in the waiting room without giving it a second thought than try and last another minute in this agony?!?
I'm going to just mention quickly that having a uterus and not planning on using it for reproduction, is like owning an apartment and never renting it. Just have it there... Doing nothing but causing grief. Vandals break in and trash the place. It costs you money and and maintenance and then bleeds you dry. (Pun intended)
Seriously, they need to remove this thing along with the birth of you last child.
Anyway, just when you think you can a actually hear you bladder ripping at the seams, they call you in. Yay! You get to lay down which somehow makes it easier... But not for long.
Now you get to endure at least ten minutes of someone pushing what looks like a whacked out hot wheels car over your body. Not your entire body... Just on top of your stretched out bladder. Because this seems like a good idea.
Fill it up, and then poke it for awhile. Awesome.
I've actually had the tech tell me my bladder was too full and I could go and pee "a little". Now you would think I'd be happy, but no. I'm kind of a believer in the whole 'All or Nothing' school of thought. Seriously? A little? Whatever....
So it is finally over and they tech says I can leave and go.... ( not sure what the end of that sentence is because by then I have usually knocked them over into a garbage can on my way to the nearest bathroom.)
It is over; I have survived. Then I hear, "have you ever had an internal ultrasound?"
My blood goes cold and I fall to floor weeping. If you've had one done, you know where I'm going with this. If you haven't, I'll save that little surprise for you to find out on your own.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pee for the eightieth time today.
