Reality TV (and my red hot hatred of it)

I know that everyone is caught up in the latest Survivor or Bachelor series, but I can NOT stand these idiotic programs!  Lets put aside the fact that there are gazillions of writers out of jobs because of our latest fascination with watching other peoples "reality".  
Lets, for a moment, discuss reality.  Now; last I checked I am surrounded by reality.  In fact some days I am drowning in it!  My life is pretty good, better than some, worse than others, so why would I want to watch others peoples crap when I have my own?  Likewise, if my life is momentarily crap-free, then why would I want to fill mine with theirs??  I will admit when Survivor first reared it's ugly head back in 1788 (approx) I was watching.  The first couple shows were good until the whole strategy thing became an issue.  It's not so much a strategy as a plan to
1. Make secret alliances with the person directly to the left of you swearing undying loyalty until the end of time.  (Unless it's just the two of you left on the island, and in that case, that bitch is on her own.
2. Make a second secret alliance with the person directly to the right of you swearing undying loyalty until the end of time.  This alliance of course is complete garbage and you are just screwing with them to get info about other peoples plans.  Essentially, you have to toss everything you learned about being a decent person and become that evil chick we all knew in high school. 
3. The third and most important part (This applies to the females only) you must, and I mean MUST either be sporting a DD in an A cup bikini, or an A cup and just wear the headband/buff thing as a tube top.  Part this also involves you jumping up and down as much as possible in case people have forgotten to look at your boobs for a moment.
  This program does provide entertainment in the way of difficult challenges, but my biggest gripe with the show is that it ultimately rewards people for being mean.  They do everything that we teach our children not to and they win money and fame.  It is a sad revelation that this is where we are as a civilization. 

Now, on to "The Bachelor"...

Yes; millions of people love this show, some of my closest friends are addicted to it like crack.  I don't judge, I say watch away!!  My only request (other than PLEASE don't make me sit through an episode) is that at the end of the show when the "proposal"  happens, they must accept!!  Not only that, they must remain married and live together as a couple for a minimum of ten years.  You want fame?  You want money?  Fine!  It's yours!!  But you will have pay for it with ten years of your life.  If you think you can find the love of your life by acting ridiculous to gain the attention of some yahoo that got dumped last year then go for it!  I mean, it's not hard to fall in love when you are in Paris having a private dinner with the Eiffel Tower in the background.  Or on a private beach on a tropical island.  (insert puking sound here)  How about putting some reality into "reality" TV?  I want to see them get up and go to work, come home, make dinner, do laundry, clean the house, run errands and all the other fun stuff that reality brings.   Most of these contestants are wanna be actors or models and are hoping to spin their 15 minutes of fame into a lifetime.  Spare me!!  I especially love the syrupy sweet girls who bat their eyelashes and hang on every word the guy says.  Then tosses her hair back with a giggle that makes even Minnie Mouse roll her eyes.  The real pros are the ones who pick imaginary lint off the men in order to keep touching them.  My favourite part??  When these clueless morons actually fall for this shit!  (BTW ladies- thank you for putting the women's equality movement back about 300 years.)  I would love to see the sequel to this program where we get to see the raving shrew this barbie doll has turned into after living with her prince charming for a month.

If after watching these show you still want reality, come to my house and follow me around for a bit.  Today I am planning on cleaning the lint trap in my dryer, vacuuming and possibly cleaning out my fridge.  If you are super super lucky... you may even get to see me yell at my teenage daughter for having ten pairs of inside out jeans laying on her bedroom floor.

Or maybe I'll save that for my season cliffhanger...