Slurpee Problems

Ok.... It's a million degrees out and I am tired, hot and cranky.  Actually, at any given moment I am guaranteed to be at least two of these things, but whatever.  I spent the afternoon in a stifling hot fifth wheel trying to get it cleaned and ready for camping.  Ugh... The only thing worse is having to unpack the thing when we get back from camping.  Anyway, it's super hot and I am NOT enjoying myself.  I get that finished and can finally get to my usual daily errands.  One my least favourite is going to Walmart.  Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the store itself, and the people there are always entertaining (customers and staff), its just that the level of stupidity sometimes reaches toxic levels and I am forced to go completely bat crap crazy right there in aisle two beside a disturbingly large box of Honeycombs.   Surprisingly, however, today it wasn't the Walmart stop that caused my "idiot slapping hand" to twitch it was the next stop... at the 7-11.

Now here is a store I love!  Junk food, coffee, crap magazines, condoms, antacids, unknown meat deep fried several different ways and of course my favourite... The Slurpee.  

Ah Slurpee, how do I love thee?!? This magical delight has been making me happy and considerably fatter since I first discovered them in 1984.  

I pull in to the parking lot and see a rogue vehicle just parked in the middle.  

Nothing around it.

Just there...inexplicably in the middle of the freaking lot.  Why? Who the hell knows.   Maybe it was an emergency Slurpee situation and they had to get to the machine STAT.  Whatever.

I then go inside and find a woman standing in front of the machines bobbing back and forth as if she's making a 'Sophie's Choice' type decision.  Omg...

That's when it gets worse.  She takes a small cup and puts a small amount of Pepsi Slurpee in it and looks at it.  

Do you understand what I'm saying here?!?!?  LOOKS AT IT!!!!

Ok, by now you can actually hear my eyes rolling.  Then she really causes me serious internal pain and tastes it.  

TASTES IT!!  

It's Pepsi you idiot!!  The same damn Pepsi it's been since Jesus was a boy. 

You know what it tastes like?!?  It tastes like fricken PEPSI!!!  

I have to get in line at the till to pay for my Slurpee behind this jackass.  She then starts rummaging through the bottom of her purse like its a newly found black hole that NASA has asked her to investigate.  After she pays I watch her go out to her car...

Yes, the car parked in the middle of the lot.   Seriously.  I think she had brain freeze before she took her first sip.  

Here's the drill people,

Walk up to the machine

Select a cup

Fill cup

Walk the hell away.

It's not hard.  

I want to be like Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.   

"NO SLURPEE FOR YOU"