Yup... Doesn't get much grosser than this...

Ok... I have been looking for my black bra since January.  How does one lose a bra you ask?  I have no freakin' idea!  I have finally given up on it being tangled up inside another piece of clothing due to a washing machine rendezvous.  I don't generally take them off in public, so it isn't likely I lost it on main street... whatever... long story short, the bra is gone.  I've learned to live with this tragedy, and you should too.

So I go to my local Walmart, (this is where the story goes horribly wrong) to find a new one.  I have several black tops that require a black bra and since I am neither a 16 year girl (who likes to wear clothes that actually show off their bra) or a whore, I need to purchase a new black bra.  It starts off easily enough and I actually find one that looks decent.  No weird straps , itchy lace, or three pounds of padding to push up my poor ancient boobs to an unnatural spot just under my chin.  I try it on, it actually fits!  Hallelujah!  It's a miracle!  I continue on with my shopping quite happy that I actually found one to fit.  But this is only the beginning of my nightmare...

I get to the till and the girl there is searching for the tag to scan.  Of course there isn't one and I am groaning inside because this always seems to happen.  There I am stuck at a till with an item with no tag.  It was the only one I saw there so it's not like I can go grab another one for her to use.  She tries inputting the UPC on the size tag from the back...she stops...looks closely and says six words that will forever change my life...
     "It looks like it's been washed..."
It takes a moment for the true horror to become a reality as I slowly process what has just happened.  It wasn't a new bra... someone stole one and left this one - THEY'RE OLD ONE - in its place.  The panic takes hold; and here is the thought process -

That's why this was the only one
I tried on someones bra
Was it a morning bra, or worn all day?
Was this day 3 of this bra?
Who wore this?
Dear God.... did they wear this to the gym?!?
MY BOOBS WERE IN SOME STRANGERS BRA!!!
There isn't enough soap in the world to get me through this...

So there I am, freaking out at the till... there may or may not have been some swearing, it's hard to remember.  I think I have post traumatic stress disorder.  This is messed up!  Who does this?!?!  Gross doesn't even begin to describe this!

So here I am.  Sitting at home, STILL without a black bra thank you very much, freaking out over the fact that my girls have visited alien territory.  Not good...

I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR!!!

The worst possible thing ever has happened and I don't think I can go on living!  Why? WHY?!  Did this have to happen to me?  I'm a fairly decent person...I mean I've never killed anyone, or robbed a liquor store...

So here I am, left all alone in my misery to suffer this tragic loss...
Boston Pizza has changed the BBQ sauce they use on their wings!  THERE!!  I've said it!  Oh the humanity...  Why would they do this?  They were perfect, and I loved them dearly.  A close friend and I would venture out a couple times a month just to go and have wings.  Now, I am afraid to tell you, they suck.  Suck out loud they do!  The cruelest part of this horrific tragedy, they still use the old sauce (the one that doesn't suck) on their ribs.  Seriously?  Are they looking for a way to torture me?  So fine; I ate the ribs.  Although I do really like them too so it wasn't a huge sacrifice.  But still... that's not the point!  I want my wings back and I plan on waging a full scale war against BP until they bring them back!!!  Or maybe I'll just whine and bitch about it for awhile...

ADDITION RENO - HERE WE GO!!

Addition Reno 2011 - DAY 1

     Here we go again...  Truth is, we planned on selling it after the first reno... and we did... but didn't move out.  We actually planned to buy places twice and had several offers and one solid deal... but the appraisals of the houses we wanted were almost 50% below the purchase price, so we said "no thank you, I'd rather not get kicked in the groin " (metaphorically speaking of course.  There was no actual groin kicking, although it did feel like it).  At the end of all this I will have my own bathroom and not have to share with my 13 year old daughter.  Her bathroom essentials have suddenly taken over and I have one little drawer left for me.  How can one tiny girl require that much space?  Ugh... anyway, today was the beginning of another adventure!  So far so good!  Although I heard something about the plumber coming to unhook the AC sometime this week... not good....

Teenagers - Ugh!

Here's the thing... many years ago, more than anything, I wanted to have a baby.  Unlike the many 16 year old girls I see cruising the malls, I was not able to conceive easily.  Years of doctors, invasive exams, surgeries, fertility treatments, temperature taking, and charting, would eventually lead to the birth of a beautiful  baby boy.  Nine months after he was born, we learned another bundle was on its way.  No medical intervention necessary... a tiny miracle!  This time however, our little miracle was brought home all wrapped up in pink looking like a piece of bubblegum.  Life was perfect, we had everything we had dreamed of!

Fast forward 13 years...

OMG!  What have we done?!  We now have a 14 year old boy and a 13 year old girl living in our house.  What they did to our sweet little babies... I don't know... 
Teenage boys, here's the summary - 

Unless it is a video game, food or has boobs, they show very little interest.  School is simply a place to learn about new video games from friends or to spend their lunch hour in the cafeteria making jokes about boobs.  That's it...

Teenage girls, a whole other story...

            Just when you think you have her figured out, the rules change.  Everything you thought you knew about everything will be greeted with an eye roll and the mandatory exasperating "Tsk" created while she exhales.  The irony here, she looks and sounds just like her mother.  Damn it!!!  How fair is that?  I say not at all, but my mother has a very different take on this situation.  So as my mother sits back and laughs (I think she may have early stages of dementia because believe me, this is NOT funny) I am losing my mind at the hands of this hormonal mini me.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life itself and would jump in front of a moving train if I had to, it's just that some days, I feel the need to clunk their precious little heads together.
  So while I complained years ago about running like crazy to keep up with two toddlers I miss those days severely.  As long as they were clothed, fed and had a toy in their hands they were happy and all was right in the world.  Now they require certain clothes that THEY must pick out (because I have no taste ... who knew?), the food must be "non-yucky" (for the girl) and "never-ending" (for the boy).  The toys have turned in to various electronic gadgets so that they can be in touch with friends AT ALL TIMES.  God forbid someone sneezes in Science and they don't hear about it until Phys Ed.  Now THAT would be a national tragedy! 
 Aliens have taken over the bodies of my precious little angels and there is nothing I can do but sit and wait for the insanity to pass.  Hopefully everything I have taught them until now has stuck somewhere in those heads and they will return to civilization in 7 years or so and be normal once again.

  The only thing keeping me going some days?  One day, I hope they have kids just like them when they grow up!  Then it will be my turn to laugh... 

What is this warm sensation on my skin?!? GASP! The Sun!!!!!

Seriously?!  It's May, and I am excited to see the sun... very sad.  Where is this "Global Warming" I keep hearing about?  It is only in places I am not... mocking me silently.  Anyway, winter is officially done, basketball season over, badminton almost finished so things should be slowing down nicely for us now.  Oh yeah... except for the fact that this weekend we start ripping our yard apart in preparation for the upcoming house addition.  We just did a complete reno of our house 4 years ago hoping to sell it and buy what we really want.  Good news, we did sell it....(actually since we bought it in 1997, we've sold it twice) We have had three private offers on it as well.  In spite of selling (twice) we have yet to move.  We are great at the "selling" part.... not so good at the "leaving" part.  Every house we have attempted to buy has hit a snag at some point usually  involving it appraising too low to make it a logical purchase.  (Despite the charming rumors that we didn't have the money to purchase, which we did THANK YOU VERY MUCH!)  So here we sit.  Defeated.  We have decided that some higher power is insisting that we stay here... no matter how many times we try and leave.  So when my DH suggested we add on instead of leave, three thoughts entered my brain...

1.) If I divorce him, will I still be stuck with this house?
2.) Do I have the upper body strength to dispose of his body after I beat him to death with my shoe?
3.) What if we actually do this?
  So here we are, a few months later with plans drawn up, trusses ordered and permits in place.  What could possibly go wrong?  I'll keep you posted...