Yup... Doesn't get much grosser than this...

Ok... I have been looking for my black bra since January.  How does one lose a bra you ask?  I have no freakin' idea!  I have finally given up on it being tangled up inside another piece of clothing due to a washing machine rendezvous.  I don't generally take them off in public, so it isn't likely I lost it on main street... whatever... long story short, the bra is gone.  I've learned to live with this tragedy, and you should too.

So I go to my local Walmart, (this is where the story goes horribly wrong) to find a new one.  I have several black tops that require a black bra and since I am neither a 16 year girl (who likes to wear clothes that actually show off their bra) or a whore, I need to purchase a new black bra.  It starts off easily enough and I actually find one that looks decent.  No weird straps , itchy lace, or three pounds of padding to push up my poor ancient boobs to an unnatural spot just under my chin.  I try it on, it actually fits!  Hallelujah!  It's a miracle!  I continue on with my shopping quite happy that I actually found one to fit.  But this is only the beginning of my nightmare...

I get to the till and the girl there is searching for the tag to scan.  Of course there isn't one and I am groaning inside because this always seems to happen.  There I am stuck at a till with an item with no tag.  It was the only one I saw there so it's not like I can go grab another one for her to use.  She tries inputting the UPC on the size tag from the back...she stops...looks closely and says six words that will forever change my life...
     "It looks like it's been washed..."
It takes a moment for the true horror to become a reality as I slowly process what has just happened.  It wasn't a new bra... someone stole one and left this one - THEY'RE OLD ONE - in its place.  The panic takes hold; and here is the thought process -

That's why this was the only one
I tried on someones bra
Was it a morning bra, or worn all day?
Was this day 3 of this bra?
Who wore this?
Dear God.... did they wear this to the gym?!?
MY BOOBS WERE IN SOME STRANGERS BRA!!!
There isn't enough soap in the world to get me through this...

So there I am, freaking out at the till... there may or may not have been some swearing, it's hard to remember.  I think I have post traumatic stress disorder.  This is messed up!  Who does this?!?!  Gross doesn't even begin to describe this!

So here I am.  Sitting at home, STILL without a black bra thank you very much, freaking out over the fact that my girls have visited alien territory.  Not good...